Super Snail Karma tale.

The other night I was brushing my teeth I noticed my nose. My nose, in my opinion is a work of art. I  have no quarrels with the shape of it, in fact I think I could be a nose model like the people with beautiful hands appear in supermarket adverts. The issue I do have is with it's contents. I was the typical type of child with the snot hanging out his nose in the school playground, infamous for my gold digging skills and numerous 'accidental' nosebleeds. Snot and nasal phlegm has plagued me throughout my life. It was only until the other night though that I really thought hard about the rationale for why it happens.

The Buddhist belief of Karma dictates that we all reincarnate when we die. Based on how much Karma we have at our death you will either birth as something better for being a good person, or for being a knob end you become something lesser. Based on my traits, I fully believe that in my life before, I was as a snail. The qualities of phlegm and snail trail are obviously empirical evidence. But the story behind this,in my Snail 'Form', is how did I earn so much Karma to become a human?

What I want to know though is what did I do in my past life as a snail to earn so much Karma? I present a quantity of hypothetical heroics that a snail could have performed.

I could of done the typical martyrdom for the greater good of the gardenia snail colony of bush berry gardens. My battalion of snails could have been fatefully encircled by a snare of slug pellets. Instead of panicking and fatefully scattering in snail fashion, I commanded my battalion to slurp-a-derp over my body as I took the brutal acidic death.

I was courteous to gardeners plants. I thought fuck it, not going to eat them, I'll munch a garden weed. I then set up a educational plan to Africa and the middle east to educate snails about eating fancy garden plants. As a result I was awarded a Nobel Peace prize by the United Bug Nations, and accredited to solving a timeless conflict.

I was stepped on by a person on the pavement. The sound alerted them to a mass murderer pedophile superman, kind of like Raoul Moat and Jimmy Saville with a hint of Bin Laden, and perhaps saved some children's lives.

Or somehow I just happen to have a runny nose and really should buy a pack of Kleenex every week to stay on top of my misfortune. I prefer the heroic snail trait.