Godzilla.

I am a person of simple tastes. Not to say I'm a simpleton, but I just enjoy the quality of originality in the unrefined. Be it a stone baked Margarita pizza over a multitude of toppings, or a simple sweet crunchy apple. Anything complex overloads my Pentium two processor brain, and results in my brain making noises like an old dial up 56kb modem


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8XKhCfsTts


Anyhow, the movie Godzilla. It seems simple enough. Some Giant crustacean from the terassic period comes back to the 21st century and goes raj on Western Civilization. The Japanese, being smart, and good at maths know what to do. Godzilla goes away, humanity is saved to make new spoilt brat children that will shit all over the environment without consequence. This is basically the plot for any Godzilla film.

This particular Godzilla film does not really do that. It introduces some other giant flying monster under the acrimony 'Muto'.
 

At this point in the film, my head really started to hurt. I looked like this appropriate selfie.

Muto gets awakened by mining or something, and even more unbelievable spiel comes to the fore.

It just got worse and worse.

It enjoys radiation; Alpha, Beta, Gamma all of that Chernobyl food.. It goes about munching radioactive substances and just fucking shit up, it also wants to meet female Muto in America to have more 'cray' baby's. Godzilla gets involved, has a ruckus and saves humanity.

My Brain literally melted, and for reasons unknown, I have not suffered a brain hemorrhage at the keyboard yet.

 I cannot be done explaining the banality of this film anymore. Besides the great effects, sounds and introduction that lays a solid foundation, the film is let down by the boring protagonists. Except the guy who is a father of four, turned meth dealer, now seems to be working at Fukusima.

Jack of all trades, Master of fuck all.

 The God in Godzilla is really not allowed to appraised to by the audience that it should be as Jesus second coming. Its a right let down that the savior of humanity is not given much love or emotional focus.

Will Smith will be a happy man. His Godzilla film is superior.

Thus, I give this film five pizza pies out of ten. The over complication of a simple concept ruins what could have been an 8 year old boys wet dream. The complication of a simple recipe also ground my simple mind to a halt, and produced the logging on sounds we have forgotten from our latter years.

Callum,




My and one of my ladies.

This cat is Royalty.

Money and Cats over Bitches.

Tinned Technology.

Recently I have been eating a lot of things in a tin.

Its not some kind of Victorian hipster renaissance that I'm trying to aspire to. Its more of an acknowledgement of the invention of the 'tin' or the 'can' that makes life so much easier and less stressful. You never get pissed off with a can, well besides a bad can opener.

Useful and nutritious too.

Kind of like the zip. No one speaks well of the 'Zip', but I think its probably one of the better inventions out there, compared to all these Google glass wanks that you see in Aberdeen craft beer pubs. I've only seen one, and he was French (Are they more technological cyborg people than us? 'Je NAE cest pas ken?'

Thank you Zip Man, you helped everyone, and nobody thinks about you. I think you look like a little pug. Cute. Again cheers.

It was enough to get me annoyed with the current state of affairs with technology. Even that virtual smoking inhaler stuff is baffling. It's like the future has come to the present, and we are still in the present, its not the future yet though.... I'm still in shock at it. Kind of like when I first saw an MP3 player at age of 13, mesmerized to where the music was kept on it.

Just No!

Anyhow back to the tin. Mackerel, Herring, Peaches, Anne Frank. Anything you think of, you can tin it. But my recent marvel at the tin, or joy of things canned in my case, has been incepted into my mind by a computer bug that was in my friends game of the Sims. I can justify such accusations.

I used to play the Sims communally with my friends. It kept us off the streets, and into the relative safety of the virtual world, away from the rougher kids in the square. We would each have own characters living together, it was the way things were meant to be, like the long rumoured euro-trip that never happened. Anyhow, we had this one 'bug' or 'glitch' in the game. Bob. Bob was like that friend that just showed up at your doorstep to play computer games with you. I was this friend to my friend with the sim playing capabilities coincidentally, and we are still great friends too.

Master of destruction.

Anyhow Bob had a reputation for coming in, eating your tinned food, and fucking off leaving a mess. Then in this particular instance, Bob came in, put a tin the microwave, fucked off to eat better gourmet tinned food someone else,causing a house fire killing three of us. The Only SIM friend to survive was Connor, and he got depressed, lost his job, and sat around watching TV all day.  David Cameron take note. The welfare state helps people out in hard times. The labour we put in was to much to bear, summer was coming, and we could face the rougher kids with water pistols and condom water balloons that were given to us by the students in the communal halls near us. We uninstalled the game.

But now part of me believes that Bob, Tron'd himself into me. Thus, why I now eat tinned goods